WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
