Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
