I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize