So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
