So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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