Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
