Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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