put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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