Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
