So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
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You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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