"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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