FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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