omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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