talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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