Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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