And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
