Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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