Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
