I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
