Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
