I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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