If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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