I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
