I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
