I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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