So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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