it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
