Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
