She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
