a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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