So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
