STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
