i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
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Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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