Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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