After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
