i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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