The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
