Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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