one two three fourrrrnication!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
