While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize