My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
