his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
