My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
