I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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