just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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