i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
