I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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