I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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