What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
