I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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