i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Randomize
