We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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