hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize