Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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