there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
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Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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