the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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