About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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