toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Randomize
