Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
