my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
