i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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