he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize