I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
