He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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