It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
