My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
