so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
