Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
