I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
