their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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