i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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