OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize