If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
