I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
