I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
